Jasmine:
Hi everyone. I’m Jasmine Quinn. I know it’s a little early, but I’d like to welcome
you all to another round of Oberon’s Sexiest Man. We’re going to be getting
started in a couple of hours, but I thought I’d take some time now to introduce
you to today’s contestants. I’ve been asked to be your hostess today on account
of I know all three of these guys better’n anyone.
Seth:
Excuse me? You what?
Chay:
Hold on now, Jay, I don’t know if I’d go that far.
Brandon:
Wait, what? You know all three of us…how well?
Jasmine:
Guys! Minds out of the gutter! Jeez. All
I meant was that Seth and I practically grew up together, and—
Brandon:
So he’s like a brother.
Jasmine:
Right. And Chay is the brother of one of my closest friends. And she and I are
almost like sisters so—
Brandon:
He’s also like a brother.
Jasmine:
Exactly. And now that that’s cleared up—
Brandon:
But I’m not, right?
Jasmine:
Like a brother to me? Ewww. No. Absolutely not. Never.
Brandon:
That’s a relief.
Jasmine:
I can’t even believe you tried to go there. That’s just so wrong!
Brandon:
Hey, you started it.
Seth:
Are you two going to be finished with this any time soon?
Chay;
My guess is “no”. We still have two hours before we start, remember.
Seth:
Great.
Jasmine:
As I started to say earlier, I’d like to introduce today’s contestants.
Contestant number one is Chayton Johnson. I’m sure everyone here has at least
heard of him, right? Chay’s a long-time resident of Oberon. He founded the
Kotoola Chook Native American Interpretive Center offering field trips,
workshops and special events. Chay is also a renowned musician, flute maker,
dancer, story-teller and all around good guy. Did I leave anything out?
Chay:
You forgot tracker, animal rehabilitator and educator, but it doesn’t really matter.
At least you didn’t say “baker”. *winks*
Thank you, Jasmine, that was a lovely introduction. And hello, everyone. Thank
you for having me here today. I look forward to competing for your votes.
Jasmine: Contestant number two is a relative
newcomer to Oberon. So everybody give a big hand to Brandon Ablemarle. Brandon is
also an accomplished musician. If you haven’t yet had the pleasure, stop by the
Temple Garden almost any Saturday night to hear him play. Although he originally
came to Oberon to pursue graduate studies at nearby UC Abraxas in business, he
stayed to pursue a career in music.
Brandon:
Not exactly.
Jasmine:
What are you talking about? You did too.
Brandon:
No, actually, I stayed to pursue you.
Jasmine:
Oh. Well, that too.
Brandon:
Hello everyone. It’s a pleasure to be here with you today and an honor to be
competing for the title of Oberon’s Sexiest Man. Thank you for your votes.
Jasmine:
And, finally, we come to contestant number three, a young man who probably
needs no introduction. Please welcome Oberon’s own, Seth Cavanaugh.
Seth:
Wait—that’s it? That’s all I get?
Jasmine:
Hold on. I’m not finished yet. Seth is Oberon born and bred. He also has the
distinction of being the youngest contender for the title. Seth is the owner-operator of Cavanaugh’s Dog
Walking & Pet Sitting Services and can also be found helping out at
Cavanaugh’s Farm Fresh Produce or, occasionally, at the Milagro Beach Nature
Center.
Seth:
Very occasionally.
Jasmine:
Seth, is there anything you’d like to say to our audience?
Seth:
Uh…yeah. Hi. Nice to see everybody. Thanks for the applause. And, uh…stick
around, okay? We’ll be getting started
in just a little bit.
Jasmine:
Okay, it’s time for the first question of the day. If you guys are ready, here
we go. What is your deepest regret?
Chay: Wow.
Okay. Well, I’ve been warned not to say anything that might constitute a
spoiler, you know, so that eliminates the first couple of things that came to
mind. I guess I’d have to say, not being a better brother to my little sister
while we were growing up.
Jasmine:
Aw, that’s nice. I’m sure Chenoa appreciates that.
Chay:
I’m sure she doesn’t. But that’s also beside the point, isn’t it?
Jasmine:
If you say so. Brandon? How about you.
Brandon:
Not being able to do more to save my great-grandmother.
Jasmine:
You answered that kind of fast. Are you sure you don’t want to say something
else? Like…oh, I don’t know, maybe not
telling a certain someone you loved them a little sooner?
Brandon:
Now, sugar, you know how sorry I am about that, but Chay’s right about the
spoilers. So why don’t we just leave it, okay?
Jasmine:
Hmph. We’ll see. Seth?
Seth:
*sigh* Where do I start? That thing with
the dogs? I don’t know. This is stupid. What does any of it have to do with
being sexy?
Jasmine:
It’s to show off your emotional side. Girls like guys who are sensitive, you
know.
Seth:
If you say so. Okay, um…I guess…well, there were a couple of years when I
screwed up on pretty much a regular basis. In retrospect, I kinda wish I hadn’t
done that so much.
Jasmine:
So, basically, you’re saying you regret everything you did between sixteen and
eighteen?
Seth:
Yep. Pretty much.
Jasmine:
Seth! You can’t say that. You have to pick something specific.
Brandon:
C’mon, sugar, give him a break. That was
emotional. Besides, this is a sexy man contest, all right? Not a sensitive,
puppy-eyed man contest.
Seth:
Puppies? Was that some kind of dig? Are you trying to piss me off?
Chay:
C’mon, guys. Settle down.
Brandon:
Me? What’d I do? I was just trying to
help a brother out.
Seth: Okay,
fine. You want specific? I regret that I ever agreed to be in this
contest—how’s that?
Jasmine:
You have to be in it. All the heroes are.
Seth:
Oh, hell. You’re not gonna start with that hero crap again, are you? I’m not a hero, okay?
Chay:
As it happens, brah, I know a couple of folks who say otherwise.
Brandon:
Plus I think she’s talking about “romantic heroes”. You can do that, right?
Seth: Whatever.
That’s still my final answer. Take it or leave it.
Jasmine:
Oh, you’re no fun.
Jasmine:
Okay, moving on to question #2. Let’s see what you all do with this one. If
your life was turned into a movie, who would play you in it?
Brandon:
Matt Lauria, maybe? I don’t know. He photographs younger than he is—and younger
than I am too, for that matter. But I think he looks like me. Kind of. Or maybe
Jensen Ackles?
Jasmine:
Yeah. I can see both of those. But
there’s just one thing missing. Neither of them have your pretty brown eyes.
Brandon:
I guess they’ll have to wear contacts then, huh?
Jasmine:
Would your movie have a theme song?
Brandon:
Maybe. Is this your way of sneaking in
an extra question?
Jasmine:
Maybe. You gonna answer it?
Jasmine:
Nice. Seth? How about you?
Seth: I
want to say Zachary Quinto. But I don’t know if he’s tall enough. Maybe Jared
Padalecki? Or John
Francis Daley?
Jasmine:
Okay. Those are good choices. Does your
movie have a song?
Jasmine:
Oh. Wow. Okay, moving on. Chay, how about you?
Jasmine: Okay, he’s hot.
Brandon:
Wait. You have your own tribute video?
Jasmine:
I see it’s time for another question. How about this one: If you could have
dinner with any 3 people, dead/alive, fictional/real who would you choose?
Chay:
Let’s see…Bob Marley, John Lennon and Chief Joseph.
Jasmine:
Okay, so…you and three ghosts?
Chay:
*shrugs* If I want to have dinner with living people, what’s stopping me?
Although, I guess there’s nothing stopping me from meeting up with all those
guys anyway. Hmm. Thanks for the idea.
Jasmine:
Uh…you’re welcome, I think. Brandon? Seth? Either of you ready to answer?
Seth: I…shit.
I have no idea. Who do I want to have dinner with? Who’s cooking?
Jasmine:
It doesn’t matter who’s cooking! Just answer the question.
Seth:
Of course it matters! It’s dinner, isn’t it? Okay, so I’m gonna choose Guy
Fieri so I know at least we’ll have something decent to eat. Tony Hawke, so I
can maybe get a little skating in afterwards. And Cesar Millan so we can talk
about dogs.
Jasmine:
Okay, that’ll work. Brandon? You ready?
Brandon:
Yep. I’m going to go with John Coltrane, WD Gann and your father.
Jasmine:
My father? Why him?
Brandon:
Because there’s something I want to ask him for.
Jasmine:
Oh? Oh! Okay. Well. *clears throat* I think we might need to take a quick
break. See you all back here in an hour.
Jasmine:
I’ve been thinking we should try something simpler this time around. So, here
we go. Guys, why don’t you tell me what your favorite season is?
Chay.
Winter, because that’s when it rains. I have a special affinity for the rain. My
love and I like to stay indoors. We spread a blanket in front of the fireplace
and I serenade her with my flute.
Brandon:
I’m going to have to go with winter too, even though I really don’t like the
cold weather all that much. But someone once told me it’s the most magical time
of the year. You can’t ever have too much magic.
Seth: Well,
I like summer. I like to work outside so, summer’s the best time of the year,
as far as I’m concerned. Plus it stays light later at night and there’s more to
do—concerts and festivals, camping, skinny dipping. All that fun stuff. And I
don’t care what you guys say, but if we’re talking about sex, being outside
naked beats being bundled up inside any day of the week.
Chay:
No one said anything about being dressed. That’s the whole point of the fire.
And a blanket beats sand any day of the week.
Brandon:
Yep. Plus, shared bodily warmth is still the best way to beat the cold.
Jasmine:
I hope everyone’s ready for our next question. What’s your favorite form of
exercise, guys?
Brandon:
I like hitting the gym. Weights, treadmill, the whole deal.
Jasmine:
Uh-huh. Yes, you do. And it certainly shows.
Brandon:
Thank you.
Jasmine:
You’re welcome. Chay?
Chay: I’d
have to say dancing.
Brandon:
Huh? Dancing is exercise now?
Brandon:
Yeah. I guess it is. Good point.
Jasmine:
Seth?
Seth:
Swimming. And that’s another reason I like summer. There’s nothing better on a
hot summer day than cooling off with a nice swim. Or, you know, almost nothing.
Brandon:
Okay, hold up. I’m changing my answer.
Jasmine:
Ookay. So what do you want to say now?
Brandon:
Sex.
Jasmine:
What? No. You can’t say that!
Brandon:
Sure I can. I just did. Besides, you know it’s true. Best exercise there is.
Chay:
You know, he does have a point. In fact, I might have to re-think my answer too.
Seth: Yeah.
Me, too.
Jasmine:
No! Forget it. No more changes. We’re moving on now.
Jasmine:
Last question guys. And this is a good one. What is the one thing in the world
that makes you cry?
Seth: What makes us cry? Do we really have to answer that?
Jasmine: Yes, of course. It’s part of the game.
Brandon: This is just payback for the last answer, isn’t it?
Jasmine: Nope. Not at all.
Jasmine: Really? Because I seem to recall your saying once
that art was useless.
Brandon: Nah, you must be thinking of somebody else, sugar.
I’m sure I’d never say anything like that.
Jasmine: Yeah, right. And anyway, these are terrible answers
you guys! Who cares about art and music? We want to hear something personal. We
want to hear about YOU.
Chay: Music IS personal.
Brandon: You just want more emo stuff and I think we’ve done
enough of that for one day. Cut us some slack, huh?
Jasmine: Well fine. Just don’t blame me when you don’t win. Seth?
You ready?
Seth: Yeah. My mom.
Jasmine: Your…what?
Brandon: There. You happy now? You almost made us all cry.
Jasmine: As if!
OR you can vote for your favorite answer--you know, based on merit or something. OR, you can even vote for BOTH guys 6 times for a total of 12 chances to win. Hell, it's fight club, it's not like there are rules! Voting continues until Noon Saturday (PST) but, you know what they say: vote early, vote often. 
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